A Special Day Trip to Phoenix

March 31, 2021, Barry and I headed to Glendale, AZ (Phoenix area). This was a special day trip for me. Karen invited us over because Montana’s son, Todd (Slack) Dennis and his wife Sarissa would be there that day from Ohio. I have not seen Todd since he was a baby! When Todd’s mom, Carol, and my brother divorced, she would no longer let my parents see Todd. They were heartbroken. Montana remarried. He had no desire to ever live in Ohio again. Luckily, Montana located Todd sometime in the late 1990’s. Todd welcomed Montana back into his life, and learned he had a half-sister, Katie. May 2000, Katie graduated from high school. Todd and Sarissa went to Texas for her graduation! Since my parents were also there, they finally got to see their first grandchild again. Now it was my turn to reconnect in person!

I became Facebook friends with Sarissa a while back, but meeting her and Todd in person was extremely important to me. We had a delightful time getting to know them. Being Montana’s son, it wasn’t that surprising to see a physical resemblance to Montana. What did catch me off guard was when Todd said something at one point, and he sounded just like Montana! I laughed and said, “Boy, you sounded just like Montana when you said that.” As we grow up we typically sound like a given parent at some point, because we naturally incorporate certain mannerisms, facial expressions, phrases, and voice inflections from living year after year together. I know I can remember saying something like, “OMG, I just heard my mom come out of my mouth!” But when I “heard Montana” as Todd spoke at that moment, I was so surprised because Todd did not grow up with Montana around. That was pretty cool.

Todd and Sarissa’s time here was very limited due their work schedules, and unfortunately would be leaving the next day for the return drive to Ohio. Todd was going to be trailering Montana’s motorTrike home with them. Karen thought it would mean a lot to Montana for Todd to have his trike to enjoy rather than her selling it to some stranger. I totally agree and believe Montana is smiling down, and loving Karen even more for thinking to do this. I’m looking forward to future pictures with Todd and the trike.

Karen was Montana’s high school sweetheart and truly the love of his life. He remained restless through the years till he found her. Karen told me that they simply “got each other” like no one else ever did. As corny as it may sound – His life was complete with her! Finally being with his soulmate, Montana was happy and content. There was a definite peace within him.

I gave my son, Richard, the middle name of Lawrence after both my my dad (Herbert Lawrence), and my brother (Lawrence Edward–before he legally changed it to Montana). There was a definite connection between Richard and Montana even though they were together physically only a few times.

Montana and Richard both thrive being outdoors-especially in the mountains. But there were some additional similarities. 1) Montana wanted to learn something when he read, so he would only read non-fiction. Richard had a strong preference for the same. I can remember buying him books about Mt. Vesuvius and Pompeii, Mt Everest, and many, many, animal books. Then as an adult he read Jon Krakauer’s books that are based on true stories, Into the Wild and Into Thin Air.
2) Montana’s nostrils would flare and slightly twitch whenever he was trying to make you believe something that wasn’t true. Richard has the same give away feature. 3) As much as Montana tried to appear rough and tough, and he may made some major spur of the moment decisions growing up, he had a soft heart and was a gentle soul. I believe Richard can relate and also has a soft heart and is a gentle soul.

When Montana was in the hospital back in January, Richard reached out to him. Their texting exchanges meant a lot to both of them. It was then, that Montana said he wanted Richard to have all of his mountain climbing equipment. That meant the world to Richard. He knew whatever equipment there was, that it wasn’t likely anything he could actually use due to the age of most of it, but he was honored that Montana wanted him to have it all and make him proud. It will be a uniquely special, personal connection with his uncle.

Karen did not find the climbing equipment before we arrived, which was fine. Richard already said he’d be happy to come down at a later date to get whatever equipment there is. No worries. Karen did give me an antique REI guide lantern that had been on Montana’s shelf, a couple of his knives, a wood carving of a mountain climber, and Montana’s Arizona Rangers badge to give to Richard. Richard was thrilled when I showed him these pictures! These were totally unexpected.

I remember being with Montana when he bought this wood carving! We went to visit my brother, Phyllis (his 2nd wife), and Katie for Christmas of 1988, while Phyllis was stationed in Germany with the Army. Our parents were able to fly over for the holidays, too. We went to Oberammergau for two or three days. Oberammergau is known for incredible wood carvings! It was awesome!

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Karen showed me how she redid her bedroom. When I saw the picture below of my brother, I stood there mesmerized by how much it reminded me of Richard, and the brother I remembered.

When I said how much it reminded me of Richard, Karen went and got another picture. This one she thought looked like a picture she had recently seen of Richard on FB. She gave me both pictures. When I shared these with Richard his immediate response was that he wants to “recreate” them. That’s cool, but as a mom, it makes me nervous! He reassured me that he is always extremely careful in the mountains and thinks of me a lot when he is out.

Montana had a great collection of “army men” that he collected while we lived in Europe as kids. We played very carefully with these as we grew up, but they were always kept in a glass display chest. He told Karen that he didn’t think anyone would want them. Surprise…Richard was interested in the Viking figures, the Viking boat, and a few knights. I wrapped them up and brought those home for him.

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Todd was likely to take the other display case of figures. The Swiss guards and the guards of Buckingham Palace bring back childhood travel memories.

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I can’t imagine how difficult it must be for Karen to decide what to do with things like this. I was concerned that she may be giving us things too much on the spur of the moment, so I told her if she has second thoughts at any time, and wants any of it back, especially the pictures, to PLEASE let me know. She assured me it was fine, and that she has additional pictures.

Karen didn’t know what to do with that kind of stuff Montana had, so she was glad Richard and Todd wanted some of it. Katie will select a few village pieces from the detailed train and village that she helped her dad set up full time in the garage. I think Karen’s sharing of Montana’s personal affects with family was helpful to her. She was able to clear some things out while knowing the items will be cherished by family members. She has what is important to her to keep him close to her, and always in her heart.

I know the guilt I felt when we downsized to our current lifestyle, and I needed to get rid of things from my parents (mainly my mom), plus momentos from my life and raising my kids. It helped that I kept a few of my favorite Hummels and Abby took some that she liked, but we need to remember it is all just STUFF. When I got rid of the extra Hummels and other figurines, it was very freeing. I wasn’t aware till then the weight they were inflicting. Pictures of keepsakes may often be enough to conjure up fond memories, and promote nostalgic conversations. Whereas keeping everything through the years can instead clutter our lives and weigh us down unknowingly. Then we tend to focus on material things rather than the experiences and make time with those we love. It is a delicate balance. It also helped me to give Abby and Richard things from their childhood. In this same way, I hope what Karen generously gave to family today took some weight off her.

I look forward to seeing Todd, Sarissa, and their family when we make it back to Ohio in a year or two.